oh where have I been?

After being cooped up inside for two days straight under the false name of "working on my lesson planning" I decided that I was going to take a walk.

I walked for about an hour in the snow, by myself, through a park for people, bikes, and horses, much like the W & OD Trail, except no cement/pavement/concrete.

It was beautiful. I felt as though my eyes were truly open for the first time since arriving here. My consciousness was imbued with something that I have not had in awhile. It was cold out, 27 degrees, but I was so comfortable in all of my North Face clothing. (I realized how funny I must have looked to passersby. North Face Rain Pants, North Face Jacket... even a North Face Hat.)

As I crested a rise in the trail I mentally kicked myself for not having had the patience to lug my Mamiya out of my pack. But that lasted for only a moment, because then I realized that I could just stand there and make a mental picture. It will snow again. I can go back to that same spot with my camera another time to record the beauty of that small valley amongst the pines.

For once I was so content with being alone. I was with nature. The wind was whispering through the trees casting little snow flakes off the branches. They came dancing around my face, and I turned my cheeks toward them, their cold fingertips brushing against my warm skin. I relished the cold. Walked off the trail and lay down in the snow, realizing only after a few seconds that I was talking to myself, saying "this is what I want. This is all that I want". The coldness of the ground seeped through my rain pants and my sweatpants and my long underwear into my bones. I could feel the danger in that coldness, knowing that the sun would be setting in twenty minutes or so, but the danger only made me feel comfortable and at ease. I was reminded of this past spring and our IDS Class trip to Mount Rogers. Reminded of the whining, and distress, and ill-tempers. If only those people could have opened their eyes like I was opening mine...

I now know more than ever. I have to work for EYA. I can not continue as I have. I can not work inside. It makes me insane.

Today I was hyped up on caffeine, because coffee tastes good. But snow tastes better. Austrian snow tastes just the same as American snow. A fact which gave me comfort.

We miss so much by existing in a shell, protected by wood or concrete or plastic. When I went outside I could hear children laughing and was reminded of a passage in the book I am reading right now.

"Although countless children who suffer from mental illness and attention disorders do benefit from medication, the use of nature as an alternative, additional, or preventetive therapy is being overlooked. In fact, new evidence suggests that the need for such medications is intensified by children's disconnection from nature. Although exposure to nature may have no impact on the most severe depressions, we do know that nature experiences can relieve some of the everyday pressures that may lead to childhood depression" (page 50, Last Child in the Woods Saving Our Children From Nature-Defecit Disorder, by Richard Louv)

I breathe more easily outside. My breath comes from lower in my belly, fully expanding my diaphragm. I look up and out and not just down or in front of me. I am calmed by the outdoors. The silence of the cold and snow has always filled me with awe. I hope that our society can figure out a way to preserve this great world we live in.

It begins with us though. We have to want it. We have to need it.